I've been thinking about friends this week. If you had asked me not long ago how many friends I had, I probably would have laughed. Friends were something vaguely remembered from a time before I was constantly covered in someone else's bodily fluids and when I showered, fixed my hair, and put on makeup EVERY morning.
When my oldest was a baby, I read a magazine article about the five friends every mom should have. I can't remember all of the 'friends' suggested, but they were things like the cool friend without kid of her own, the friend who has kids your own kids ages, the older wiser mom friend who's been there done that...you get the picture. I read this article knowing at the time that I had no friends with children, and few close friends at all. Years passed, another child came along, and my friend scorecard went up by maybe two? By the time my daughter was just over a year old, I was obsessively worried about our son, who was four, having no friends of his own. We started going to the library and trying to get him to Bible class at church regularly. He thought we were just doing fun stuff, but I was on a desperate search for a FRIEND!! Alas, we weren't the best at getting to Bible class on time and the library visits tapered off thanks to my daughter's proclivity for wreaking havoc in all public places.
My son's fifth birthday rolled around and there were no 'friends' to invite to his party. He didn't seem to mind, but I was feeling like a total parental failure. On top of worrying about my son finding a playmate, my husband (I like to think he worried as much I did, just silently) and I were also sleep-deprived, crazy people who had spent the last two years trying to get through one day at a time first with a difficult newborn, then a difficult infant, now a difficult toddler....(I've blogged about this in the past and won't go into tons of detail here.) We weren't exactly friendly, social butterflies. We were weary, exhausted parents who had our patience tried to a breaking point daily and went to bed on the verge of tears the majority of the time. Our poor son's social life fell to the wayside, as did our own. We lost touch with nearly everyone, all the while feeling as though we were drowning in daily life.
Finally, this past June after a well-meaning comment from our daughter's speech therapist, I had had enough. I did something drastic. I rejoined Facebook. Surely out there in social media land was someone who would be our friend! I slowly started to reconnect with people. Some of them I hadn't talked to or seen in a few months, some I hadn't spoken with in years. I had the chance to meet up with a friend I had known since childhood and was pleasantly surprised to find we had even more in common than when we were kids. (Mental note: Check 'cool friend who doesn't have kids yet' off the list!) We also as a family, got to meet up with some of our 'couple' friends for lunch. We had a great time talking and catching up and vowed not to let it go another year before we got back together. (Mental note: Couple friends were not on the list, but I'm totally checking them off anyway!) A few weeks later, my son had the opportunity to attend a local VBS and came home full of talk about all his new friends. Instantly, my worries started to resurface. What if these were friends he wouldn't see again? These were kids his age who would most likely be starting school in the fall, while he would be doing school at home. In the meantime, we started going back to the library. After a year off (maybe the people at the library wouldn't recognize us now!), I felt brave enough to try this venture again. Call it what you will, (serendipity, fate, destiny?) the second or third storytime later, who did we run into but my son's friends from VBS? He was overjoyed to see them again and after chatting with one of their mom's, I found out two of his friends were being homeschooled too! Joy of joys!! Friends for him and friends for me! (Mental note: check 'friend with kids your kids age' off the list!) Last, but by no means least, is a friend I had all along. My mom and I try to go out and do a little shopping or errand running together once every other week or so. On the most recent all-day outing, I shall not tell a lie; my children were holy terrors. Their behavior was atrocious. My son spent the entire day contradicting, arguing, and seeing just how far he could push me without actually getting in major trouble. My daughter spent the entire day echoing his every statement with the word, "Duh!" Not a proud parenting moment. My mom was nice enough to find the humor in the situation. (Mental note: Check off 'older, wiser friend who's been there and done that.')
These days, my friend tally is on the upward swing, but I've found that strength doesn't necessarily come in numbers, but rather quality. Let's take a moment to do a 'friendly' recount: I have some religious friends and some that aren't so much. I have friend with kids and friends without. I have friends who are also family. I have old friends that remember me when I was gawky and awkward, and who saw me through some really bad haircuts and fashion choices. I have new friends that I look forward to getting to know better. The best thing about them all is they surround me with positivity, acceptance, and encouragement. And all those worries I had about my son not making any friends all but disappeared as I watched him romp through the playground with his new buddies, taking a time out only to sit and read a book together. Even my daughter, who as a rule avoids other children like the plague, tagged along and watched the fun from a safe distance. Here's to friends. Cheers to all of you out there who remind me to see the humor in life, who don't mind that I'm often covered in my children's bodily fluids, and who give me a reason to leave the house with my hair AND makeup done!!
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